The price of freedom...

The mind wants certainty. Make no bones about it. It wants to know, to make sure, to cling to certainty.  And since it is a part of us, we can be pushed into this deep craving for certainty. Like knowing where exactly a road leads to and how bumpy is it going to be.

But life does not offer any such solidity. No guarantees. Now, either we can accept it or we can fight it. And believe me how good a fighter you believe you may be, you cannot defeat reality. 

But, we live on, in the midst of this make believe. Hoping that tomorrow will be better than today. Hoping that the house on which you have made your down payment will be ready, that the child you have so carefully helped grow older will think of you fondly, that you will get a better job soon, that your friends will last... Some of it comes true and you begin to believe that you have actually cracked it. Done what was impossible for others. Got certainty in your grasp and life will listen to and honour your wishes.

It won't.

No, I am not trying to be a kill-joy and drive fear into you or push you into one of those "what would you do if it were your last day blah..." statements. I am just saying that being an adult is to accept this uncertainty and live with it. With joy if possible. 

Do all you can and accept whatever happens, seems like a good way to be, to live and to love. It is not a better way to live- it is, in my view, the only way to LIVE. Any other way means numbing your fear of something going wrong. 

And it can be very uncomfortable living this way. The mind resists it, at first. It cant build a story anymore of how things will actually turn out -whether bad or good. It will exaggerate your fears. Play with your anxiety. But you must plod on. Slowly lean into the discomfort. Keep at it. And then one day the spell is broken. 

You are free...only to fight a bigger battle this time. Only to help those who are ready. To respect yourself enough and to love yourself deeply. Because you see that you are not alone, the whole universe resides within. And it takes hard work of a lifetime to feel that connection.

But then, there are no guarantees!