Haiku

Tried writing a haiku. Followed the 5-7-5 syllables and the where-what-when rule. Totally immersed trying to capture what I have been feeling this whole morning.

Crouched below a shade

Hot summer winds gush by

Childhood dreams

I am not sure if it makes sense when read once. Perhaps it is a poor haiku or perhaps it just takes time for the reader to engage with it and get to the layer underneath. I ll opt for the former. It will take time for me to become good at it. But at least it is a step and I feel nice.

One of those days...

One of those days when I want to put on wings and fly

One of those days when I want to give everything a try

Of a sun that sparkles as hours become fuller

Of hot summers nights as they become cooler

Those moments of breaking free from the everyday

Those days of making new memories that are here to stay

Days that are awake, full of creation

Days that forever sparkle with imagination

A whole new layer to it...

I have been working on a project for the last 9 months- the last 5 months in just writing it up. The report has gone through at least 10 revision and complete re-writes. By now, some of the member of the team are just tired of it. "No more!", is their call. Any talk of the document and they take cover. But that does not stop the edits from coming. Every time one reads a report, one wants to polish it just a bit more, maybe just rearrange stuff to see how it looks or just add a personal touch. It is natural.

I greeted these changes with annoyance. Can we stop being perfectionists?, I wondered. This continued for almost 2 months till I noticed something really strange. I began to like this process of making changes. There was a sense of satisfaction in implementing them - like I had crossed another hurdle on a steeple-chase. As the noted violinist Stephen Nachmanovitch would say, " ...the secular and the sacred merge". Work and play suffused. It became almost fun to incorporate the new set of changes which keeping the old integrity and philosophy of the report intact. I actually denied admitting to this pleasure. This can't be true, I should be angry as the others are!

Now, as we are almost ready to print, I feel a sense of having achieved more than I would have if there were just 2 rounds of edits. I leave the project happy and content- so different from what I felt two months ago. Throwing more time at a problem, doing something you hate agan and again can sometimes allow another deeper perspective to emerge. Isn't it?

We are not alone..

Multiverse. A hypothetical set of multiple and parallel universes- each similar to, yet different from the others.

I have been toying with this idea for the last couple of days. I find it intriguing. It means that, in another universe, right now- I am doing something different. I could be in a cafe' in Vienna instead of my home in mumbai. It is me, all right- but a different me. All because I took a decision in that universe to travel to Austria during the summer vacation. How exciting! And since there are infinite such universes ( if the hypothesis is true!), then there are infinite variations of where I could be and what I could be doing.

When I let this sink in, I realize that each choice that I make means that I forego a different one which could take me on a different pathway. Each choice has that potential. What if another me, in a parallel universe, is also pondering over exactly the same question?

Dream on!

Fear list

Went on a long morning walk. About 12 km. Wanted to see if my legs and back were in good shape. Would they hold up when we finally do the tour du mont blanc? A part of me did continual checks. Ah! a slight pain here. What is this pull on the left of the right knee? Is this good pain or bad pain ( a good pain is something that stays till the stretched muscle builds up, a bad pain aggravates and needs to be cured)? All this, till a friend remarked how she is scared of a physical disability - like losing an arm or eyesight. To each, his own fear.

Fear, metaphorically, is like a beast and our interaction with it is referred to an almost warlike situation. We use the words "conquer" ,"overcome" or "defeat" when talking about it. It is treated as something big and massive. An attack with the power to disable.

But what if I don't fight this war? What if I just remain still, maybe even accept it?

Imagine that what I am afraid of does happen. And all of a sudden, most of the fears get placed in their proper place.

Yes, I do have a knee injury on the trek. Ok, now what is the worst that can happen?Hmmm..I would have to trudge till the next town and take the bus. Bad, but I can live with that. Or, what if my hard disk crashes and I lose all the data on my laptop. I have to spend 10K and start again from the pieces I have. I can live with that too...and so on.

I am not saying that everything I am afraid of, is small and minor. Losing a leg in an accident is fearful. Or losing a loved one. What I am saying is that perhaps if I can say what things I am afraid of and kind of imagine that they happen, only the really important ones remain and I stop reacting to everything which can go wrong. It calms me down. It helps me see farther. I realize that the small ones don't even need to be fought. They lose their sap and don't fight me either. Try it.

The searching..

Last few days I have been searching. I have booked myself for the tour du Mont Blanc. 9 days of trekking covering 140 km of mountain trails. Going to be tough. I have not trekked that much for a really long time. Grown older too.

And what I am searching for is something that would make it easier to walk this distance. A good backpack. Last few days have been about demystifying terms like high density 1000D polyster, bar tacked stress points, adjustable sternum harness and what not. Good fun and very useful. Why? Because a good backpack can make a 15 kg load seem like half by transferring the weight where we can bear it better. A well padded waist harness (actually a hip belt since it goes around there) can balance the weight so that your shoulders have minimal load pushing them down. But a poorly chosen one can do just the opposite dragging each step leaving no time to enjoy the scenic landscape.

The search is almost over. The decision almost made. The journey has already started!