We are not alone..

Multiverse. A hypothetical set of multiple and parallel universes- each similar to, yet different from the others.

I have been toying with this idea for the last couple of days. I find it intriguing. It means that, in another universe, right now- I am doing something different. I could be in a cafe' in Vienna instead of my home in mumbai. It is me, all right- but a different me. All because I took a decision in that universe to travel to Austria during the summer vacation. How exciting! And since there are infinite such universes ( if the hypothesis is true!), then there are infinite variations of where I could be and what I could be doing.

When I let this sink in, I realize that each choice that I make means that I forego a different one which could take me on a different pathway. Each choice has that potential. What if another me, in a parallel universe, is also pondering over exactly the same question?

Dream on!

Fear list

Went on a long morning walk. About 12 km. Wanted to see if my legs and back were in good shape. Would they hold up when we finally do the tour du mont blanc? A part of me did continual checks. Ah! a slight pain here. What is this pull on the left of the right knee? Is this good pain or bad pain ( a good pain is something that stays till the stretched muscle builds up, a bad pain aggravates and needs to be cured)? All this, till a friend remarked how she is scared of a physical disability - like losing an arm or eyesight. To each, his own fear.

Fear, metaphorically, is like a beast and our interaction with it is referred to an almost warlike situation. We use the words "conquer" ,"overcome" or "defeat" when talking about it. It is treated as something big and massive. An attack with the power to disable.

But what if I don't fight this war? What if I just remain still, maybe even accept it?

Imagine that what I am afraid of does happen. And all of a sudden, most of the fears get placed in their proper place.

Yes, I do have a knee injury on the trek. Ok, now what is the worst that can happen?Hmmm..I would have to trudge till the next town and take the bus. Bad, but I can live with that. Or, what if my hard disk crashes and I lose all the data on my laptop. I have to spend 10K and start again from the pieces I have. I can live with that too...and so on.

I am not saying that everything I am afraid of, is small and minor. Losing a leg in an accident is fearful. Or losing a loved one. What I am saying is that perhaps if I can say what things I am afraid of and kind of imagine that they happen, only the really important ones remain and I stop reacting to everything which can go wrong. It calms me down. It helps me see farther. I realize that the small ones don't even need to be fought. They lose their sap and don't fight me either. Try it.

The searching..

Last few days I have been searching. I have booked myself for the tour du Mont Blanc. 9 days of trekking covering 140 km of mountain trails. Going to be tough. I have not trekked that much for a really long time. Grown older too.

And what I am searching for is something that would make it easier to walk this distance. A good backpack. Last few days have been about demystifying terms like high density 1000D polyster, bar tacked stress points, adjustable sternum harness and what not. Good fun and very useful. Why? Because a good backpack can make a 15 kg load seem like half by transferring the weight where we can bear it better. A well padded waist harness (actually a hip belt since it goes around there) can balance the weight so that your shoulders have minimal load pushing them down. But a poorly chosen one can do just the opposite dragging each step leaving no time to enjoy the scenic landscape.

The search is almost over. The decision almost made. The journey has already started!

Making tea?

I have a friend who has an interesting way of making tea. He puts the tea leaves in a glass of hot water. These leaves accumulate on the top of the water level. However, as you watch, they slowly begin to drop and settle down the glass. After 15 minutes, most of them are at the bottom of the glass and the tea is ready. No need to strain the leaves.

That is what I want the next few days like. Put in the thought-leaves and let them settle. No stirring, sloshing, shaking the mix. Let them sink gently as and when they are ready. The question before me is, can I wait?

They say that all journeys..

They say that all journeys begin with one step. All journeys.

It is time to set afoot on another one. I don't know where it leads. Maybe up in the hills where the snow is or maybe down the ravines, maybe a flat walk on the plains or maybe a bumpy sail over the seas. I don't know. All this is metaphorical.

All I know right now is that I need to start walking. With time and distance, something will materialize. Some goal will make itself apparent and I will say, "Yes! that is what I need to aim for right now" and I will rush towards it. But then, I don't know.

Perhaps I will come back to where I began, feeling more hopeless. Feeling that nothing can be done which would change the way things are.

Perhaps, I won't. But one thing is certain. If I make the journey the aim, the searching itself the purpose, then there is nothing to be frustrated about. I will try and remember this every time I start on a new trail. Maybe that would help.

But then, I don't know!